Βραδυνή έξοδος

This is a short humorous dialogue in Greek. Let me translate it naturally while preserving the humor and tone.

-Θα βγω απόψε. = "I'm going out tonight."
-Δεν θα πας πουθενά! = "You're not going anywhere!"
-Δεν σε ρωτάω, απλά σε ενημερώνω! = "I'm not asking you, I'm just informing you!"

This is a classic humorous exchange about someone asserting their independence/authority in a relationship or household situation. The punchline is in the assertive final response. The humor works the same way in English.

The title "Βραδυνή έξοδος" = "Night Out" or "Evening Out"

I should keep it natural and conversational in English while maintaining the comedic timing.

-I'm going out tonight.
-You're not going anywhere!
-I'm not asking you, I'm just informing you!